briefing & testimony

I bother tonight because I’m so overjoyed about seeing Deer Tick again that I gotta put it down somewhere, share it!
This is such an overdue comeback , though, I feel I need to do a quick update about big life things. So below is an impersonal list; allow me to just kill curiosity and post this video of John McCauley from Deer Tick performing “Little White Lies” off the second album Born on Flag Day. It’s so good.

• still living on Chicken Hill in Asheville, NC but now my best friends are my neighbors
• not waiting tables
• started an apprenticeship/employment at L’Optique, optician in training… fixing, edging, cleaning, selling and trying on amazing eyeglasses 40hr/week
• no romantic affairs
• no current plans for grad school
• loving Asheville and loving my job
• really loving everything to come out of John McCauley’s guitar
• margaritas are good too

BONUS!!

helpful equations

My grandmother says these were provided by Mehera J Irani:

1. i am not alone

2. i am not half of a human romance

3. i am one whole human being

earnest blehbleh

—reviewing life and times a la “glad that didn’t work out,” i feel grateful to see my ignorance. Let this hindsight clue me into some humility.—

when i said this yesterday, i was thinking about a few things in my life: a dude i never dated, another it didn’t work out with, a dream school that didn’t accept me, a city i gave up on, acquaintances i fell out of touch with…

i could blame myself for missing opportunities or not trying hard enough, but all those guilty or heart broken feelings of life not working out as i want it to seems like symptoms of narratives i wrote for myself… not so much being lazy, but being attached to a story/what i “know” happens next even if never explained how i was supposed to get there. does that make sense? this is to say that even it’s far more advantageous to stay in the present where you can act instead of reacting to what is not happening or may not happen. And whatever eventually and actually happens, to deny or be upset would prevent any desired course of change. Bleh! you know?

And while I’m in the mood of general surrender to the long-course of things….

I want to make a note to myself about stablishing some financial stability. Wanna carve out my career path, and lately i think it may take/i may want it to take me out of Asheville, we’ll see- patience may keep me here longer. I’m thinking the  expiration of my lease (in August) is a good timeline for getting on with some new work, whether or not I relocate. I still feel called to early childhood education  (if i get some credentials together may include a foray of taking highschoolers abroad) and/or wedding-planning.

[update Feb 19 2010, i'm committing to a 9month tutoring program and being a neighbor to Angi. i'll be around another year at least. but still...]

Any and all suggestions for my future life are welcome.

Yours,

Jenny

"avatar 7.0" intalgio print by Michael Files

Crush Mountain

Looking at pictures from my treks on crush mountain… reflecting on failed  romance. So many memories…unexpected day trips and poorly planned long excursions.

wonder if i’ll be a better mountaineer in 2010.

where as more consistent adoration is a good thing we all could probably use more of

Rob Brezsny writes Free Will Astrology for a lot of great weeklies around the country and is now the author of a book  called PRONOIA Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings. I am so woo’d by this notion of benevolent scheming that I am posting an excerpt.

“Thousands of things go right for you every day, beginning the moment you wake up. Through some magic you don’t fully understand, you’re still breathing and your heart is beating, even though you’ve been unconscious for many hours. The air is a mix of gases that’s just right for your body’s needs, as it was before you fell asleep. You can see! Light of many colors floods into your eyes, registered by nerves that took God or evolution or some process millions of years to perfect. The interesting gift of these vivid hues is made possible by an unimaginably immense globe of fire, the sun, which continually detonates nuclear reactions in order to convert its own body into light and heat and energy for your personal use. You can’t live without the sun’s inexhaustible flood of unconditional love. Every move you make depends on it. Luckily, it never fails you. Did you know that your personal star is located at the precise distance from you to be of consummate service? If it were any closer, you’d fry, and if it were any farther away, you’d freeze. Is that just a happy accident? Or is it a sign of favor — a big, broad hint, from a cosmic intelligence that adores you?”

Did you forget how adorable you were?!!

cosmic love & mine,
wrowro

What Works

What works for me may not work every one else. What works for others may not work for me.

I’ve told myself  “I can make this work,” or “Under the right circumstance, I can make anything work (for me).” Those sayings don’t feel as honest as they used to. Sure,  it’s a nice mantra- it appreciates what’s there, and all that’s great and good. But I think that more than not, I ‘ve been using it as a way to water down my feelings of success, just making it an objective plateau, treating happiness like it needs to be more accessible than honest to goodness cool and fun/what I actually want to be doing….
It’s as if, for a long time, I haven’t allowed myself to set any goals that require much change or convincing- It’s as if everything-as-it-is and may-be will always just have to be good enough.

But how constructive is it to not even acknowledge the possibilities  and potential of what will actually be… the situation PLUS me and all that I have to offer/bring and also all that I generally need to work with. Adapting to a situation isn’t integrating myself, it’s setting myself aside so I don’t risk anything. This “whatever will work” is a total cop out, a very agreeable and easy cop out.

This is a digital painting by Marilyn Sholin, worked from a photo taken here in Asheville

Those feet are on a car’s dashboard, the window is cracked, the reflection is in the windshield. I think it’d be good for me to try and write another entry on What Works in Asheville (as far as I can tell), and I’d like to figure out what works besides relaxing. Right now, something that is really workin for me is this band Noah and the Whale, their song “Shape of My Heart.” It’s very cute and true. What could be better than that?

Feels good to be working on this blog again.
xo,

Jenny

Ideas for Dog or Chicken Names

Chubs             Kudzu        Soupy           Don         Pickles
Ira              Carol       Texas/ Tex         Pat                Vern
Marshall        Marty             Calcipher
Shmedrick              Atlas        Alice (chicken only)

Mark       Lisa (chicken only)

Bea            Vivian / Viv

Rodha        Gorge      Darshan

Darwin          Phyllis        Woody

Nice, clean break!

Hello dear public world, I’ve been shying away from a comeback for too long.

I know that it’s been too long because I just uncovered an old list of goals that included,”write well. love consistently/ be consistent.” Along with, “slow down,” and “finish school.”

Well I finished school and slowed down, but I don’t know how consistent I’ve been. And I’m glad I brought this back to my attention. Other things on this found sheet of paper include the definition of PATHOGRAPHY: “the idea that one should not place an unseemly emphasis on the private lives of biographical subjects.”

also a shopping list, probably for calabacitas:
1 onion
2 summer squash
2 zucchini
3 ears corn
scallions
2 poblanos
1 jalapeno
cilantro
tomato
queso

Then it wonders, “How to not take things so personally?”
and suggests “1. Respect who you are 2. Respect who you are becoming. 3. Thank your enabling circumstance 4. Thank yourself 5. expedite Good Will”

Healin the World, Makin It a Better Place

rest in peace, michael. i miss you already.

Chowder Air

- the heat index has been over 100′ F every day this weekend.
+morning and late afternoon swimming in the Atlantic feels awesome
-the South has more bugs than I remember
+as long as i’m hydrated, i feel strangely clean in this muggy air… all this sweat is like a detox
+i got myself a fancy new multivitamin today (on clearance)

+cell health
-sunburn
+”The Finer Things” by Steve Winwood and other cheesy love dance-ballads(?)
+good body language
+happy hours with oysters
-mold
+henhood/ bein a hen
+Jimmy Fallon’s late night shenanigans