earnest blehbleh

—reviewing life and times a la “glad that didn’t work out,” i feel grateful to see my ignorance. Let this hindsight clue me into some humility.—

when i said this yesterday, i was thinking about a few things in my life: a dude i never dated, another it didn’t work out with, a dream school that didn’t accept me, a city i gave up on, acquaintances i fell out of touch with…

i could blame myself for missing opportunities or not trying hard enough, but all those guilty or heart broken feelings of life not working out as i want it to seems like symptoms of narratives i wrote for myself… not so much being lazy, but being attached to a story/what i “know” happens next even if never explained how i was supposed to get there. does that make sense? this is to say that even it’s far more advantageous to stay in the present where you can act instead of reacting to what is not happening or may not happen. And whatever eventually and actually happens, to deny or be upset would prevent any desired course of change. Bleh! you know?

And while I’m in the mood of general surrender to the long-course of things….

I want to make a note to myself about stablishing some financial stability. Wanna carve out my career path, and lately i think it may take/i may want it to take me out of Asheville, we’ll see- patience may keep me here longer. I’m thinking the  expiration of my lease (in August) is a good timeline for getting on with some new work, whether or not I relocate. I still feel called to early childhood education  (if i get some credentials together may include a foray of taking highschoolers abroad) and/or wedding-planning.

[update Feb 19 2010, i'm committing to a 9month tutoring program and being a neighbor to Angi. i'll be around another year at least. but still...]

Any and all suggestions for my future life are welcome.

Yours,

Jenny

"avatar 7.0" intalgio print by Michael Files

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~ by wrowro on January 17, 2010.